Démarré par Taz, 04-09-2013, 15:36:59
CiterARSEBLOGNickname: Szczizzle KicksPros: A keeper in the Jens Lehmann mould, he's fearless, passionate and all kinds of bat-shit crazy. A fine shot stopper and an even better piano player.Cons: Needs to improve his concentration. Has a dad that keeps keying Arsene's Mercedes.Little known fact: Recently became involved in an online row with pop starlet Justine Bieber which saw her army of fans flood him with death threats.Nickname: Hans GoalmanPros: Looked like the real deal when called upon at the tail end of wast season, visibly more confident and vocal.Cons: His sad eyes suggest he sometimes spends entire nights watching YouTube replays of his performance against Porto a few years back. Some parts of his body are glued together with Pritt-Stick.Little known fact: His father invented the Hula-Hoop. You know, for kids.Nickname: Italiano AlmunianoPros: He already speaks a bit of English and once kept a clean sheet for Italy against the Faroe Islands.Cons: Yet to score a goal during his career, possibly too many vowels in his name. Uncanny facial resemblance to you know who ...Little known fact: Can fit 3 full sized lemons, or 2 limes and a small pomegranate, in his mouth at the one time.Nickname: The Total EclipsePros: 100% Gooner, will run through walls for the shirt, decent cross, improving defensively.Cons: Still a bit raw, sounding more and more like David Beckham when he talks.Little known fact: No matter how many times it is explained to him, he cannot grasp the concept of 'foam'.Nickname: Bah-kar-ee Sag-narPros: Experienced, consistent, high quality right back who can also do a job at centre-half.Cons: In the final year of his contract, sort it out Arsenal!Little known fact: Once stopped a bank robbery by standing in front of the armed thieves and saying 'Non', just once. They gave themselves up.Nickname: Der EntPros: Unflappable centre-half, great on the ball, positioning and reading of the game unrivaled. Funny guy too.Cons: Not likely to win a sprint against Usain Bolt. Or Usain Murphy, the one-legged sheep farmer from Ballyhaunis, but still.Little known fact: Until he was 14 he was a below average sized child, but put on a huge growth spurt after adding more kale to his diet.Nickname: Le Bart JeunePros: Quick, aggressive defender who gets a few goals. Has formed a fantastic partnership with Der Ent.Cons: Picks up a few too many red cards, appears to have quite a crackable skull.Little known fact: Had ambitions to become an actor and, as a teenager, starred as a chain smoking hoodlum in a Canal+ drama entitled 'Les Cousins Dangereux'.Nickname: The Shafted WalloonPros: Hammer of a left foot, fast, aggressive. The cold dead eyes of a contract killer.Cons: Somewhat injury prone and, when fit, not that convincing at the whole defending thing.Little known fact: Once punched a bear straight in the face for wandering into a campsite and scaring his mother.Nickname: No BeeGeePros: Developing into a very solid left-back who can get forward, provide attacking threat and score goals.Cons: His injury record hangs over him still but it has been much better of late.Little known fact: Recently set-up his own hip-hop/farmer jazz record label which he's called 'Beet beats'Nickname: El AgacharitoPros: Experienced defender, more adapted now to English footballCons: Language was an issue last season, let's hope he's been reading some Jeffrey Archer books during the summer to improve.Little known fact: Due to an ancient familial custom, is officially at war with Burkina Faso.Midfield:Nickname: The MopPros: The Premier League's most reliable passer last season, the Spaniard is as metronomic as he is disciplined. Not bad from the penalty spot.Cons: Could it be that his hair is too thick and lustrous?Little known fact: While at Everton Tim Cahill's mum had to pay Mikel to be friends with her son.Nickname: The Crispy PancakePros: Improved beyond recognition in the last year, he's tenacious in the tackle, loves a dribble and has an engine bigger than a Hummer.Cons: Sometimes tries to do too much when a simple pass will suffice. His shooting could also do with improving.Little known fact: What people think are tattoos on his leg are actually unfortunate scar tissue growth following his leg break. If viewed under a microscope they look like hundreds of little Shawcrosses being eaten by thousands of tiny rodent Coldplay fans.Nickname: Exclamation Mark!Pros: The best homegrown player to come out of the Arsenal Academy since Liam Brady, he's tenacious, driven, tidy on the ball and has the vision of a cat wearing night vision goggles.Cons: Still trying to find his best form following a two year battle trying to overcome a niggly ankle injury. Has guts, just bad ones when it's the North London derby.Little known fact: Was 17 years of age before he realised that cat eating alien ALF was not real.Nickname: Tom StrumPros: Dynamic and direct on the ball he's capable of picking up the pace of a game in the blink of an eye.Cons: Despite his football age being 21, he's getting on a bit and in the twilight of his career.Little known fact: Was actually elected Prime Minister of the Czech Republic during his two years on the sidelines pushing through some much-admired health care reforms.Nickname: Alexander Mark David Oxlade-Chamberlain (to his mates)Pros: Young, gifted and capable of scoring stunning volleys in the Maracanã. Has a huge future ahead of him.Cons: Needs to find some consistency after catching a bout of second season syndrome last term.Little known fact: Refuses to use pencils in solidarity with the people who are forced to work in lead mines.Nickname: NemöPros: On paper he's the most complete footballer Arsene Wenger has ever signed. An assist master with an eye for goal, he's won titles, played at the highest level and is now, quite miraculously, a Gooner.Cons: Cost a bit...enough in fact to have Arsene develop an addiction to sleeping pills.Little known fact: Well loved by Jose Mourinho, Arsenal's newest signing often did Karaoke with the Portuguese in Madrid bars. Their favoured anthem: Hue and Cry's 'Labour of Love'.Nickname: Dr ScreechPros: Hates Samir Na$ri as much as he loves Arsenal.Cons: A pair of dodgy knees and needs to grow up and realise that a catchphrase does not a footballer make.Little known fact: Once went an entire day without shrieking like a window-licking banshee.Nickname: The nosey molePros: Looks like a respectable chap, but once he crosses the white line he's like a Duracell Bunny on coke. The best all-action, loud-mouthed, finger-pointing, tackler we've had since err ...well him.Cons: Left a sour taste in the mouth when he ran down his contract in 2008 and moved on a free.Little known fact: He, Philippe Senderos and Ronaldinho waited tables at Silvio Berlusconi's Bunga Bunga parties for six whole months during his spell in Milan.Nickname: Bob BalsaPros: Tall, powerful, great awareness, terrific dribbler and the closest Arsenal have come to replacing Patrick Vieira's qualities.Cons: Grew up breaking mirrors, walking under ladders, spilling salt shakers, opening umbrellas indoors and inviting black cats to walk across his path.Little known fact: He is both a devout muslim and a devotee of muslin, the world's favourite loosely woven cotton fabric.Nickname: Mighty MousePros: The Harry Houdini of Arsenal's tricky midfield, he has the ability to wriggle out of danger, the vision to spray raking passes to teammates and an eye for goal which is deadly in and around the box.Cons: Genuinely can't think of anything. Even being short works for him.Little known fact: His favourite meal is the Andalusian delicacy of otter cutlets rolled in breadcrumbs and deep fried in oil cultivated from the rump of angry badgers.Nickname: ZelalembryoPros: The little Prince of through-balls, the 'Egypgermerican' teenager not only has amazing technical quality but a calming presence which belies his tender years.Cons: Eats only Rusks, needs a nap in the afternoon and might miss European trips because he's got to get his homework finished. Bit skinny.Little known fact: Impressed scout Danny Karbassiyoon with his footballing skills but also by the fact he can complete a Rubik's cube blindfolded in less than 60 seconds.Nickname: The LOL KAISERPros: A left foot that could smash a ball up Superman's arse, great delivery and quality finishing. Hilarious japester. Loves it at the Arsenal.Cons: Fitness has been an issue since he joined, could do with being more fit.Little known fact: There is literally nothing he cannot find amusing. Even the most heinous crimes leave him giggling like a schoolgirl. He is undergoing therapy for this terrible, yet hilarious, affliction.Nickname: The Timid WhippetPros: Fast as lightning, finishing, control and movement improving regularly. Does scare defences.Cons: Seems to live in his own special world at times, on and off the pitch. Set-pieces need big improvement.Little known fact: Auditioned for, and won, a part on Game of Thrones but was let go before shooting for insisting his character's name be changed to Theodore Montreal Lannister.Nickname: The False DepardieuPros: A strong, handsome striker who looks like he'll kick on in his 2nd Premier League season. Finishing has improved. Is handsome.Cons: Still needs to improve chance completion ratio. Has little back up so the pressure to perform is high.Little known fact: Once made love to identical twins at the exact same time, even though one of them was in another room.Nickname: Haulin' OatsPros: Tall, young, seems quite nimble, name is good for rhyming and stuff.Cons: Hugely inexperienced, looks lightweight and miles away from being ready for first team football. Get him on the creatine pies at once!Little known fact: He is a keen American civil war enthusiast and often cites Senator. John J. Crittenden, author of the Crittenden Compromise bill of 1860, as his hero.Nickname: Porcelain BoyPros: Very fast indeed, has lustrous hair, easy switch from Theo's chant to his, has the most remarkably smooth skin.Cons: As raw as steak tartare, will he get enough playing time to improve?Little known fact: Is a major proponent of string theory but after a dressing room discussion which saw Frimpong bang his head repeatedly off a wall in frustration and bewilderment, Arsene Wenger has banned all talk of particle physics.Nickname: GainsbourgPros: A Teutonic Walcott/Ox hybrid he's young, tricky on the ball and loves a pot shot from distance..Cons: Lacks first team experience. Needs more end product and less fancy step-overs.Little known fact: Serge has the neatest handwriting in the Arsenal squad and often pens autographs for fans with a calligraphy quill which he carries in a specially designed bum-bag.Nickname: Drunky pantsdown poopy head ninny facePros: The Greatest Striker That Ever Lived.Cons: In opposite world.Little known fact: If you were to take his intestines, untangle them and stretch them out lengthways ... he'd be dead.Nickname: Who?Pros: Appears to have four fully functional limbs and no communicable diseasesCons: Not especially good at the whole football thing, which is something of a drawback.Little known fact: After his single goal for Arsenal, in a Carling Cup clash, he was named public enemy number 1 by North Korea who took his airplane celebration as a declaration of military intent.
CiterProfiles selon @ArsenalGent [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/1-Sesley.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 1Name: Sir Albert SESLEYPosition: Glove ButlerNickname: 'The Cold Catcher'Origin: Norfolk, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Bunny's Nose' - As this is what one's fundament behaves like when you see him galloping toward the edge of his box to tackle an onrushing defender [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/3-Sailor.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 3Name: Bertram SAILORPosition: Starboard corporalNickname: BertieOrigin: Gloucester, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Gloucester Gallop' - A fine sight as he belts his way up the pitch [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/4-Meatlocker.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 4Name: Lord Peregrine MEATLOCKERPosition: Starboard SentinelNickname: MeatOrigin: Upminster, London, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Clunge', a casual standing tackle employed to easily rid Tottenham's expensive forwards of the ball during the North London Derby. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/5-Vermington.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 5Name: Lord Thomas VERMINGTON OF HOLLOWAYPosition: Portside SentinelNickname: 'My Lord'Origin: Holloway, London, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Mind Meld' - A terrifying piece of mind control, often directed at opponents from the bench, which allows him to enter the mind of opponents [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/6-Costerley.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 6Name: Laurence COSTERLEYPosition: Utility SentinelNickname: 'Dear Larry'Origin: London, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Costermonger', a glorious, precision slider that often results in getting shown the mustard. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/7-Robinson.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 7Name: Thomas ROBINSONPosition: Forward battery commanderNickname: 'The Cad'Origin: EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Plimsoll Turn' - A delicate twist which resembles a nimble schoolboy rotating on a specially dusted gymnasium floor [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/8-Arkwright.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 8Name: Michael ARKWRIGHTPosition: Ordnance WizardNickname: 'The Knife'Origin: London, EnglandSpecial Move: 'Bess', an 80 yard pass to feet [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/9-Ponsonby.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 9Name: Lucien PONSONBYPosition: Battery SergeantNickname: 'The Demented Bishop'Origin: Bristol, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Bristol Express', a 35 yard screamer [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/10-Wilshere.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 10Name: Jacques WILSHÈREPosition: Distributional Wing-CommanderNickname: Le RosbifOrigin: Paris, FranceSpecial Move: 'The Arc de Triomphe' - A looping, elegant overhead 50 yard pass [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/11-Orwell.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 11Name: Melvin ORWELLPosition: Ten of Tens (So good at Number 10 they turned him up to 11)Nickname: The Wandsworth Wizard - AKA 'The Hydra'Origin: Putney, London, EnglandSpecial Move: The Mesmertron', a hypnotic through ball [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Goring-Hildred.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 12Name: Brigadier Oliver GORING-HILDREDPosition: Human ProngNickname: 'The Ram'Origin: Cambridge, EnglandSpecial Move: 'Achilles' Torment', a flick of the heel that baffles expensive goalkeepers from Middlesex. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Lane.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 13Name: Vivian LANEPosition: Number 3 Glove ButlerNickname: 'The Colney Cad'Origin: London Colney, HertfordshireSpecial Move: 'The Hat Raise' - used when he espies a particularly attractive lady in the crowd whilst sitting in the family pew. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Walcoue.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 14Name: Theodore WALCOUÉPosition: Starboard PuppyNickname: FentonOrigin: London, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Alley Baffler' - A mazy run that does not often end with anything more productive than his hands on his hips. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Oxlade.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 15Name: Alexander OXLADE-CHAMBERLAINPosition: Midfield Swiss Army KnifeNickname: The Tin OpenerOrigin: London, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Piccadilly Doubleback' - A graceful, tricksy turn that employs the use of both feet, his left knee, his right buttock, a large gin and tonic and an eight pound magnet. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Ramsara.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 16Name: Abdoulaye RAMSARAPosition: Advanced ProbeNickname: 'The Senegal Sir'Origin: Dakar, SenegalSpecial Move: 'The Launch' - A pass that now thankfully after some years actually reaches its intended recipient. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Mandeville.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 17Name: Nobby MANDEVILLEPosition: Portside SentinelNickname: 'Devon's Delight'Origin: Torquay, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Torquay Tumbler' - A precise tackle, whilst not exactly from behind, certainly from a south-by-south-westerly direction. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Cousins.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 19Name: St John COUSINSPosition: Final 3rd OctopusNickname: Hand FeetOrigin: Finsbury Park, London, England.Special Move: 'The How Do You Do' - An inexplicable optical illusion in which he seems to split into three separate beings who all play a decisive ball at the same time, making defenders weep with bafflement. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Flame.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 20Name: Michael FLAMEPosition: Multifarious Defensive DestructorNickname: 'The Enforcer'Origin: Berkshire, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Tibia Troubler' - An hilarious and robust tackle which induces in its recipient an immediate and pressing concern for the integrity of their lower limbs.Catchphrase: "Don't touch my parrot" - originated when playing abroad. He has a parrot called Peter which he takes everywhere with him, including onto the pitch. Do not ever touch his parrot. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Flapplesthwaite.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 21Name: Luke FLAPPLESTHWAITEPosition: Glove ButlerNickname: Nettle NervesOrigin: Yorkshire, England.Special Move: 'The Pinball Punch' - Because who knows where it'll end up, and is often followed by the percussive noises of our defence as they clatter into each other whilst attempting to clear the ball. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Sangley.jpg[/img]Squad Number: 20Name: Joseph SANGLEYPosition: Designated StriverNickname: The Bromley BeanpoleOrigin: Kent, England.Special Move: 'The Plate Spin' - Nobody knows what this is or when it'll happen, but he insists it works[img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/23-Blackwater.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 23Name: Nicholas BLACKWATERPosition: StrokerNickname: 'The Camden Cockroach'Origin: Camden, London, EnglandSpecial Move: 'The Cashpoint Cackle' [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/24-Dolby.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 24Name: Vincent Abraham 'Abe' DOLBYPosition: Middle FieldNickname: 'The English Patient'Origin: London Dickensian Hospital for Sickly and Wan ChildrenSpecial Move: Frying an egg on his head due to his incessant high temperature [img align=g]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/25-Juarez.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 25Name: Carlos JUAREZPosition: Starboard FrightenerNickname: 'El Cabo Primero'Origin: Mexico (Tijuana)Special Move: 'The Nervous Glanceback' [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/26-Frampton.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 26Name: Maurice FRAMPTONPosition: General BerserkerNickname: 'Betty'Origin: England (Penzance)Special Move: The Tenpin Charge [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/28-Gibbois.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 28Name: Kouranne GibboisPosition: Portside DandyNickname: Le Jazz MaraudeurOrigin: France (Paris)Special Move: Running up the wing whilst playing the solo from John Coltrane's track 'Jupiter' from the Interstellar Space Long Player. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/31-Matheson.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 31Name: Roger MATTHESONPosition: Apparent StrikerNickname: Mr PunctualOrigin: Luton, EnglandSpecial Move: The 'Always on time', which means he's always on time. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/37-Atkins.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 37Name: Charles 'Chubby' ATKINSPosition: Odd 9Nickname: 'Deadly Jelly'Origin: Sutton-on-the-Forest, YorkshireSpecial Move: 'The Smother' [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/44-Knabbley.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 44Name: Stephen KnabbleyPosition: Wing NuisanceNickname: 'The Tufnell Park Terrier'Origin: Tufnell ParkSpecial Move: 'Mrs. Roberts Washing Basket' - a delicate switchback turn [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/58-Sanderson.jpeg[/img]Squad Number: 58Name: Gordon SandersonPosition: Middle FieldNickname: 'The Mystic'Origin: The Foothills of the HimalayasSpecial Move: 'The Ping Pong Parp', a rapid, percussive move where he passes to himself: 'Ping' is the first pass, 'Pong' is the second pass and 'Parp' is the noise the defender's bottom makes as he sees Mr. Sanderson running off with the ball. [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Heisenbould.jpeg[/img]Name: HeisenbouldPosition: "You don't need to know."Nickname: 'The Mystery man'Origin: New MexicoSpecial Move: 'The Wheelchair Bomb' [img align=G]http://arseblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Windsor.jpeg[/img]Name: Alan WindsorPosition: Grand WizardNickname: "Mr. Windsor to you."Origin: Berkshire, EnglandSpecial Move: Attracting the world's best attacking midfielder, Melvin Orwell, to The Arsenal. And many more.
Citation de: DiosBergkampMême pour le tailleur Arsène recrute en France